Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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