Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
