I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
