If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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