Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
