Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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