One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
