i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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