whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
