period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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