There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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