your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
