You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
