By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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