So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize