Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
