i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
