She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
