just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
