well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
