with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
50% drunk capacity currently
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
