I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
