I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
