I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
