The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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