12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
