The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
