it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
