for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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