it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
