I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
