Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
