puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
