I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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