i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
my sisters under your porch take her home
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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