I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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