omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
