I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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