We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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