my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
