Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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