I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
