the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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