i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
