girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
