My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
