omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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