Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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