i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
