he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
