in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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