I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
