you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize