Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
