i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
