I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
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well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
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You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome