I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella