I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.