I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.