we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
