My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
